Apr. 6th, 2011

cassildra: Professor Farnsworthy saying "Brains? I told you not to use those things!" (futurama: don't use brains)
1. Print address labels for packages, or give me the name and mail stop of the recipient. I'm not psychic, and I will chase you down if you forget, wasting your time and mine.

2. Don't tape interoffice mail envelopes shut. I can assure you, no one in the mail department has the time, energy, or desire to unwind the string on the tabs, pull out the financial information inside, photocopy it, and then return it to the envelope, painstakingly winding that little string around those tabs.

3. There is a special place in Hell for those people who staple envelopes shut. Next time I cut myself on an envelope, I am going to (think about) sending a nastygram your direction, explaining in excruciating detail what happened, where the cut is, how deep it is, and how many bandages it took to make the damn thing stop bleeding.

4. For the love of whatever god/dess you worship, don't fax your client's information to us. It sits on the printer for hours. It's also really hard to read faxed documents. Don't do it.

5. I cannot answer your questions about the software we use. Yes, I've been here since the beginning of February and have seen many financial advisers in training go through, but I can assure you, I'm only doing the easy data entry. If you want good answers, go to one of the official employees, or better yet, our boss.

6. Don't approve a plan after 4pm and expect it to be FedEx'd overnight. I'm good at binding reports quickly, but when the FedEx deadline is 4:30 and I have ten plans ahead of yours to get out by then, you're asking the impossible.

7. I don't check the printer. I don't know when the financial planning employees print plans, and I am too busy and work too far from the printer to check it on a regular schedule. If you want plans bound and sent out, you need to bring them to me. (See #1.)

8. Don't begrudge my break. I work as hard as you guys do, sometimes through lunch, and my scratch-off lottery ticket takes me ten minutes a day, and if I win, I tend to buy candy and stuff for my coworkers. Don't give me death glares as you walk by. (Besides, those of you giving me death glares aren't even in my department, ffs!)

9. I'm a jumpy person. It's my nature. I'm also aware of the tendency and used to jumping when someone is behind me. Don't apologize for it every day. I know you're trying to be nice, but really, it's fine.

10. Stapling envelopes is bad. Separating and stapling statements and questionnaires together is good.

10a. Sending full statements is good--I can't enter information that isn't there.

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cassildra: A silver pegasus on a purple shield. (Default)
Telling lies for fun and profit!

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